You’re lazy! You’re too slow! You’re not smart enough! You’re not as cute as ______! You’re too fat! I would never do that! Why would you want to do that? You don’t need that! Can’t you get it right?
Do some of those sound familiar? I bet almost everyone in the world has heard some of those words at one time or another. How do they make us feel? Cheap, unworthy, naughty, unloved, and unaccepted just to mention a few. Does anyone have the right to judge you? No not unless they are God in Heaven. Should they be forgiven? Yes because that is what God wants us to do. Is it easy? Not at all unless you see them as they are and see yourself as God sees you.
See God doesn’t care about trivial things. He cares about what is in your heart. He doesn’t judge you by someone else’s standards. He accepts and loves you as you are. We are to follow God’s example. Love and accept yourself for who you are. God knows the hurt you feel when people belittle you. He does not approve. He will deal with them on your behalf.
If you are thinking that the above is true but it is not easy to live day in and day out with such a fault finding person you are right. Some people have nothing but negative feedback in their life. That is not good for anyone. Maybe understanding the fault finder will help make things easier to cope with.
What is the fault finder looking at? Well, basically looking at your outside when he finds faults dealing with physical structure. How does your outside compare to his inside? See he judges you with his inside being or in other words with his heart. Why doesn’t he see the inside of you? First he isn’t looking because he is too interested in appearances social position, and what others might think. Secondly he might not want to see what is inside of you. Why doesn’t he want to see what’s in your heart?
A fault finder usually wants to stay away from the emotional side of things because it might hurt him. If he sees what is in your heart he will also see what is in his. He does not want to do that because he will see that he is not God. His own faults will be reflected back to him.
Could it be that some of the faults he finds in you are really things that he doesn’t like about himself? Yes, indeed, because generally what we like about ourselves we like about others. The habits we want to break and can’t are things we generally dislike about ourselves. Even if the fault finder’s target does not do the things to the same extent it is a reminder of a habit he wants to break and can’t. He is feeling guilty and wants someone else to feel that way too.
You could say the fault finder has blinders on to anything good about someone else. Your inside being, heart, soul, and spirit are out of sight to him. He knows he can’t change that unless he wears you down emotionally. If that happens then he can feel like a god, superior to you. That thought is in his mind. It shouldn’t be there or anywhere else.
If you do something good or right the fault finder must reject it or make it into something wrong. You might be able to do something he can’t and that would be unbearable to him. Why is that? Well it is because he is already feeling bad because of his fault finding and to be proven wrong on top of that would be a double insult to him. He would no longer feel that he is better than you are.
The bottom line is this. The fault finder can’t live with himself so he tries to make the same thing occur for those around him. He isn’t happy so no one else should be. He isn’t satisfied with his place in life and since he can’t do better no one else can either. He wants to be bossy and controlling to make sure things don’t get to a point where he can’t cope.
So why is it easier now to forgive the fault finder? He is just a person like you and I except his emotional being is all messed up and he doesn’t know how to fix it. He can’t break you down emotionally unless you let him. You don’t need to do that.
When someone finds fault with you ask yourself does it matter to God. If your answer is no then pay no attention. God wants you to be the best person you can be by His standards not by anyone else’s. Say a prayer for the fault finder. He has out of sight insides. He doesn’t see himself for who he really is and so he can’t see you for who you are.
© 2017 Genuine Safe Haven Ministry